I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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