So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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