so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
