oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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