Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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