Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
