I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
