My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
