the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
