I hate all girls vehemently.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
