dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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