can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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