I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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