I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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