how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
