I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
