the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
