She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
