New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
