I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
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Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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