there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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