ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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