Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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