at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
