Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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