I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
