It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
