The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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