SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
