To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
