Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
