I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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