I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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