Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
