I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
