Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
