I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
