I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
