I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
