u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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