ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
