so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
