Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
