She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
