I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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