How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Four minutes until I can fart!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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