I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
