I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
