Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pants are for mortals
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
