Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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