I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
