His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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