i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
