Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
