Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
