So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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