he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
