oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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