i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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