I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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