I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
