brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
