How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
