I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
