ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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