tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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