i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
